(left: guys. right: nice guys)
[ CAUTION! This is not a nice feel-goody post.]
Once in a while, the people I’m acquainted with or my friends will tell me I’m “nice.”
I used to receive this remark/comment as a compliment when I was younger. Growing up, I became increasingly irritated with this adjective.
Nice-ness don’t get you anywhere. Of course, niceness makes the world around us a more pleasant place. And when I say I don’t like to be described as “nice,” I meant nice as:
the constant “silent” self-sacrifice to please everybody for the sense of approval at the expense of irritating others. This attribute is abundantly found in people with an acute inability to say “no.” (definition mine; most of the “nice” compliments I received are fortunately not like this)
Being great, decisive, ambitious, humble, respectful, strong, focused, disciplined, resilient and having strength on your moral stands are far more better attributes to have than being nice (“nice” is just so vague a word; a blatant display of a person’s lack of vocabulary). Being “nice” is costly for some people – they take great effort to please other people’s requests, often at the expense of their work (receiving “meet-my-needs” phone calls during office hours) or complaining to their friends how tired they are during the week because they were out there serving others’ needs (it is fine if you have the capacity to serve, but don’t suck out the life in the atmosphere of happy gatherings among friends by obtrusively displaying your tiredness).
Truth is, the recipient’s joy from your “nice-ness” comes at the expense of the irritation of your boss/friends. Your inability to say no to people’s immediate “needs” is disruptive to your boss’ workflow and the company of people you are spending time with – all because you think it is the “right thing to do.” You reduce the quality of time spent with people who really matters to you with people who do not. Many of these “immediate needs,” will (with a little hindsight) be just trantrum throwing or a short phase of discomfort.
The right thing to do, is to have a full understanding of what your priorities and responsibilities are. Lending someone a hand who is in distress is being helpful. Saying yes to do someone else’s work because of their own lack of planning and inefficiency is not being nice. It’s being stupid.
Nice-ness doesn’t get you advancement in your career, relationships or the propagation of your cause/faith. Jesus wasn’t nice to the gamblers at the temple or the scribes and Pharisees. Yes, as much as He is the Saviour of the world- nice is hardly an appropriate word to describe Him. Nice-ness won’t let Him allow His disciples to be martyred for the Faith.
Strength did. Purpose did. A clarity of His destiny did.
Why was He able to draw so many people to Himself? It was not “nice-ness” but compassion, authenticity, teaching, love… etc. He had to say no to so many other things (like a great carpentry career) which could have distracted Him from His destiny. The disciples wannabes are warned about the daily cross carrying!
An example of nice-ness could be this: Try to ameliorate an argument between a waiter and your girlfriend by becoming a “peace (or please) maker” to appease both sides and see what happens when you leave the restaurant. (for the uninitiated, your gal will walk out on you.)
Nice-ness is great for appropriate occasions. Don’t waste time being nice especially if you have other important aspects of your life that requires your time, focus and energy. Don’t spend hours counseling someone who hasn’t taken any actions to bring himself out of his circumstances and keeps repeating his story. It’s more fruitful helping someone who tried and failed.
If nice is bad, what’s the better alternative?
“Being a Good Guy. A Good Guy is willing to enter into conflict to be a redemptive force for good. He has a strong will. He takes chances on occasion. He’s protective of those in his care. He stands up to injustice. Where a Nice Guy is pretty emotionless, a Good Guy is passionate about life. His way of living looks a lot more like the “abundant life” Jesus talks about in John 10:10.” – No More Christian Nice Guy
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